Wednesday, October 2, 2013

How to survive the government shutdown.

As some of you may know, all or most national monuments must be shut down during this unprecedented, catastrophic, government shutdown. One may ask how this is shutdown different from 17 other recent shutdowns in 1976, 77, 78, 79, 81, 82, 83, 84, 86, 87, 90, and 95?
This one is different because the White House said so! There!

You must believe that all national monuments can no longer function as open air, free standing structures. When passing by the Black Hills, avert your eyes because you cannot look at the carved mountain. If you happen to be in DC, you cannot see Lincoln's statue because during this shutdown it the Lincoln statue is no longer there. (This may actually be true as it may have been sold to China and will soon be demolished for scrap marble.) Just avert your eyes people! Some sides of the street will no longer be passable due to erected barricades, because it is too costly to allow people to pass on the side of the street near the WW2 memorial. You know those old vets might damage the asphalt with their wheelchairs, and then we won't be able to sell it for scrap to China, Russia, and Iran.

If this doesn't get the message across, the sun will soon be off limits to the American public. It is no longer there. Just avert your eyes.

In short, close your eyes, cover your ears, and stay inside your place of residence. As soon as the government opens, they'll come to fetch you. Rejoice, because shovel ready jobs are just on the other side of this shutdown.

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